Sorrow
by TheLegendOfSam
Summary: Laura receives a letter and experiences a new emotion. Takes place in between Tabitha and Alison: Agents Of SHIELD and The Wolf And The Ghost. Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.


Laura Kinney sat alone in her room. She liked having her own room with nobody else around to bother her. It let her think, relax and get away from everything. She had only been at the institute for about a year and a half and so far, the only person she had hurt was Logan, her only parental figure in life. This was not long after she had joined the institute. That day she was angry and frightened and Logan surprised her. Her animalistic instincts kicked in when he placed his comforting hand in her shoulder. She turned around, stabbing him in the chest.

Laura sat alone on her bed, meditating. There was no noise, no one to bother her. she breathed deeply in and out, in and out. Relaxing in one of the few times she had alone. After a few months being on the new mutants team with Iceman and the others, Professor Xavier let her join his main team of X-Men after she proved to surpass many of the older X-men in skill. This was due to the intense training she was put through when she was first...born.

There a knock on the door. Her heightened sense of smell told her immediately who it was. Logan. "Come in." she answered calmly and sat on the edge of her bed. Logan opened the door.

"Got somethin' for yer, kid." He said and handed Laura a small, white envelope. Laura brought out the claws of her left hand with a SNIKT! and, holding the letter in her right hand, cut it open carefully. Logan sat on the bed next to her and she read through the letter.

_"Laura, __Please forgive me. Even as I write the words, they ring so hollow. My mistakes… No, my choices… They cannot be undone, much less forgiven. How all this came to pass… and the truth about Weapon X. Had it ended there, would I be less a monster? Or more? Would I even know the difference? Of course I don't have to tell you about monsters. Your life is defined by monsters. Replicating the mutant genome proved difficult but rebuilding Weapon X seemed all but impossible. For every enzyme, for every codon, for every sequence we repaired, or even built back from near nothingness, we seemed to be missing a million more. But I felt alive, the work, the failure, the challenge. It was like a brilliant light, shining inside of me. I felt like my life had a propose. What a fool I was. I was defiant in the face of my failures. I was determined to succeed out of spite."_

Laura stopped reading. "When did you get this?" She asked. "Keep reading." Logan said gently.

_"Weeks passed. I was working on two projects, living two lives. I was used to that. I had kept secrets before. It seems so incredible to me now, that in all that time, given everything that I knew what I was doing and what the end result would bear I didn't give it a second thought. I told myself that you weren't real. I told myself that this was science not life. I was creating a weapon, not a child. I was wrong. When I was little I always believed that everything that happened to me - I deserved it. That we all get what we deserve. Maybe I was right. No longer the experimenter, I was now part of the experiment. A vessel to be poked and prodded. To be violated. They certainly didn't care about me...not with a weapon to train. A team of physicians, psychologists, nutritionists, and military strategists now ran my life. They watched my every move, but they didn't see everything. I asked for forgiveness before. Now I'm telling you don't forgive me. Don't forgive any of us for what we did. Ever. I remember everything...everything we did to you, and you deserve to know why we did these things. Your training was designed to strip you of your humanity. After all, in the eyes of the program, you weren't human, you were a weapon. A weapon I willingly conceived for them. Our orders were to keep you from gaining any sense of self, something they said would compromise our ability to control you. We were never to treat you as a child, only as a weapon, but not everyone followed those orders, for that I'm grateful. Sutter wanted to complete your construction, but that wasn't possible while your healing factor was dormant. You would never survive the surgery so Rice was given permission to take what ever steps were necessary to activate your x-gene. He chose radiation poisoning. You nearly died that day. Unfortunately Rice was right. The radiation worked. Now nothing stood in their way, especially me. I only found out later what happened, that your claws were extracted one by one, that he sharpened and then coated them with the indestructible metal, adamantium, outside of your body, it was never supposed to be like that." _

Laura stopped again, the memories to painful to continue, tears streaming down her face, something she had never felt before. Logan handed her a tissue and she wiped her eyes dry. "Thank you." She said to her adult, male counterpart but the tears didn't stop as she read on in a shaky voice and Logan put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"So much wasn't_. I should have known what was coming, not that I could have prevented it, but I would have tried. I'm sorry, so sorry. When it was time for your first field test the target was chosen with the flip of a coin. Who it was didn't matter. As long as the target was high profile and couldn't be gotten to. Sutter needed to make a statement and you delivered it to the world. I wanted to understand why we were doing this. I told Martin I needed to understand why you had to publicly kill an innocent man, his family and so many others. So, he told me. He said: "It's simple. You can't sell anything without advertising." That's what this was all about. The buying and selling of lives for profit. Not saving the world, or taking it over. No, this was about money. A lot of it. Martin sold you for a million dollars a pound and as you know by now, there were no shortage of buyers. Rice was right. I didn't matter. Not to them. Not to you. Not to anyone. All I could do is watch. While you were forced to kill and kill, and kill, and kill. You killed royalty. Godfathers. Drug lords. Dictators. Assassins...anyone...everyone...for a price. For three years, you murdered without failure. Every target they marked, you killed. _

Everything In the letter came back to her and memories flooded her mind as she read_._ She remembered each and every merciless kill she ever perform. The adrenaline rushing through her, her heart racing, claws stained with blood.

_"Every time limit they set, you beat. Every rendezvous point they plotted, you reached except one. The one where Rice was waiting for you. When Rice came back from the mission, he told us what happened. He said you didn't make the rendezvous in time. That he had to abort the mission when the team started taking fire. And that he saw you die. I didn't want to believe him. You never told me what happened. How you survived or how you made your way back. Why didn't you tell me? For so long, I held myself above Sutter and Rice. They made you a killer. They were the ones using you. But all it took was one phone call to open my eyes and see I was just like them. They say in life that we are judged by the choices we make, they are what define us, and I chose to bring you in to this world. I chose to stay in the program even after they stripped you of your humanity and molded you in to a weapon. I'm responsible for everything that has happened, for all the pain all the death for everything you have suffered, because I had a choice when you had none. And I chose to do nothing. I always assumed it was Rice that cut you. He hurt you so many times in the past...he almost killed you twice. I never wanted to believe it was you. The damage I've done...can I ever forgive myself?. You couldn't stop what Rice made you do...but somehow you managed to save Henry and tell me the truth witch means there is hope...you showed me we've failed...you are not a weapon, you are a child. Always remember you are not to blame. You did not pick this life. We...I forced it upon you. The blood you have spilled is on my hand not yours and please understand why I must ask you to kill one last time. Because tonight what you do is right. Tonight, what you serve is justice. Tonight, you take back the life we stole from you. I never wanted a family. My father stripped me of that desire. He took my childhood, my innocence, my life. And then I took yours. I became what I hated and feared most and you became my victim. But then you showed me hope. Not when you saved Megan, but when you saved Henry. You showed me that we can chose to be something other than what we are forced to be that we can be something better than we believe we are. And, in that moment, you saved my life, all that matter to me now is that I save yours. I wish we could just run away without any more blood shed. But if you don't stop them they will never stop. They will do it again. They've already started. After tonight, we'll just keep moving and never look back. We'll start a new life, have a future, be a family. I'm sorry I waited so long to tell you these things. There is so much more I want to tell you, and I will but one thing that you must always remember no matter what has happened and no matter what may come you are a child, not a weapon. You are my child. You are my daughter, and I love you. I will always love you, Laura. __Your mother, Sarah."_

Laura placed the letter gently on the bed next to her. "You ok, darlin'?" Logan asked gently. Laura didnt know this feeling. Her heart beat increased, her breath became heavy, more tears streamed down her face. What was this emotion? Laura screamed and stabbed her claws through her bed and the letter.

Logan went to comfort her. "Look, kid. I know how you're feeling but being angry about it ain't gonna.."

"Leave me alone." Laura said, sobbing.

"Listen, Laura." Logan said gently. "I understand how you feel..."

I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" Laura screamed, pointing to the door.

"Ok." Logan said calmly. "I'll leave you alone. I'll come back later, see how your doin'." Logan stood up and walked away, closing the door behind him and leaving Laura alone.

Laura screamed in anger. She stabbed the wall with her claws and began repeatedly slashing violently at the letter, tearing it, and the sheets to shreds and leaving claw marks in the bed. Laura collapsed to the floor and for the first time ever, just cried. She growled and stabbed herself in the arm repeatedly in frustration, unsure what to do and not caring about the large amount of blood coming from her arm. The wounds healed, leaving her on the floor, covered in blood, crying.

Sorrow: Another new emotion Laura experienced.


End file.
